How To Be A Submissive Wife In Today’s World
Why is wanting to be a submissive wife in today’s modern world looked at with negative connotations? Something to fight and stand up against?
Since Valentines Day is right around the corner, let’s take a closer look at what God’s word say’s on the subject. After all, there is no better gift you can give your husband (and yourself!) than a happy marriage.
Traditional Values
Before we go any further, it’s important for you to know, here at keeper of our home we believe in good old fashioned values and nurturing a biblical marriage and home. We believe in traditional gender roles and the importance of using god’s word to guide and direct us as we go through this life we’ve been given.
Everything written here comes from a place of love and respect for every person who will some day read this. It is not meant to be judgmental, but only encouraging and helpful in your own journey as a christian wife.
Mutual Submission
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21
Did you read the above bible verse carefully? We are all called to submit to one another for the sake of Christ.
Men to Christ, wives to husbands, children to parents, and so on….
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, of which He is the savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24
An NIV bible commentary puts it best….
“Christ has paid the ultimate sacrifice to save us, and we love him for it. Therefore, we willingly submit to our brothers and sisters in the Lord out of that love. We love and submit because Christ first loved us. In the same way, in the married relationship, the beginning of the equation is not submission, but love.”
Everyone is under the authority of someone else at one point or another. We all have to submit to government, a boss at work, teachers in a school setting. Submission is beneficial and needed for society in general to work properly.
In marriage, God has placed the man in the position of servant-leader, not because he is better or more qualified, but because people work better when they have structure……in no way is God limiting either the man or the woman. Rather He is giving them a method of fulfillment and oneness.”
2 Becoming One (Book)
True Biblical Submission
Let’s make sure we understand what being submissive means in the bible.
The word submit is defined as “voluntarily placing oneself under another’s authority.”
It does NOT mean the woman becomes a doormat with no say in decision making and simply doing what the husband says. Thats’s a lack of communication.
It also does NOT mean a wife should submit herself to any emotional or physical abuse. If you are currently in this kind of marriage it’s important you seek help.
Being a submissive wife is not only about keeping a clean house, dinner on the table, and keeping our husbands happy in the bedroom…..although all are important things.
A submissive woman is someone who does all the things she does for her husband out of love.
She is a strong woman who helps her husband reach his goals and offers good counsel.
She chooses to be his helper and intercedes before the Lord for him in prayer.
A wise wife understands her husband is the lead and head of the household because God designed it that way.
With this in mind I want to share a quote from one of my favorite movies, My Big Fat Greek Wedding…
“The man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants!”
…..Without manipulation by practicing a few simple steps listed below.
A good Christian marriage is based on love and mutual respect. Good communication and a basic understanding of each others different needs.
Let’s Read what it says in the new testament..
For Wives:
Wives, be submissive to your husbands, so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words but by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. -1 Peter 3:1-2 NIV
For Husbands:
In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way {with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship}, as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective. -Peter 3:7 Amplified Bible
11 Steps To Becoming A Submissive Wife
keeper of our home
So how do we practice becoming the submissive wife God has called us to be?
I say practice because I believe we are a work in progress. I don’t know if it’s possible to achieve complete submission while we are still in the flesh.
But we can surely practice it everyday the best we can with help from the holy spirit who is within us.
1. A Submissive Wife will Learn Her Husband’s Love Language
Do you know how to truly make your husband feel loved?
We all have different love languages. For example mine are: acts of service and quality time together.
When my husband helps me just a little bit around the house or helps me with the baby, I feel loved.
When he takes time to sit and have a cup of coffee with me or we go on a walk together, I feel loved.
There are 5 Love Languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Gifts
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
If you don’t already know what your husband’s is, I highly recommend reading the book The 5 Love Languages to learn how you can best meet his emotional need to truly feel loved.
2. Encourage Your Husband And Be Supportive
Be his biggest cheerleader. Encourage him in his endeavors and be by his side every step of the way.
Always speak highly of him to others.
Never Judge him or compare him to other men.
Be loyal to him and have his back no matter what.
Therefore encourage and comfort one another, and buildup one another… – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
3. Make Sure Everything Is Well Within The Home
- Have a home cooked meal for him when he gets home from work.
- Care for the children.
- Be wise with the family budget.
- Make sure there is food and clothing for everyone in the home.
- Nurture a loving and peaceful atmosphere.
- Be a keeper of the home and everything that entails. This is NOT an easy job. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, children, overseeing everyone’s health, scheduling and coordinating activities, it’s a lot of things! But they are good things. We play a pivotal role in our family, and it truly is a beautiful thing!
You will go through different seasons of life when some of these things will be easier to manage and others when it will be more difficult. Nonetheless do the best you can in each season and give yourself grace when you feel you’ve fallen short of your own expectations.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, praises her… ~Proverbs 31:25-28
4. Learn To Communicate Well
Never give your husband the silent treatment (something I have done in the past). Love requires regular/good communication. Communication includes talking about feelings of anger and never purposefully saying hurtful words. When hurtful things are said in anger be quick to ask for forgiveness.
It’s important to discern when to speak up on matters of conflict and when to stay quiet.
5. A Submissive Wife Will Let Her Husband Lead
Being the leader and head of the household is a lot of responsibility for a man.
Just like being a keeper of the home is for the woman, our husband’s role to be a good leader although rewarding, can feel like a big weight on their shoulders. They are called to:
-provide for the family
-protect
-love
-be the spiritual leaders
-help with the kids discipline and instruction
When we learn to communicate well and we stand behind our husband’s leadership, he will in turn listen to our counsel when we feel strong apposition to a decision they are making.
Often times our womanly intuition (a very real thing) will keep our husband from making a mistake.
6. Pray For Him
Pray for your husband daily.
Ask God to give you unconditional love for your husband.
Ask your husband how you can be praying for him.
7. Don’t Nag Him
I’m pretty sure we have all been guilty of nagging our husbands at one point or another.
The important thing here, is to recognize when we are doing it and stop it at once.
My almost 17 years of marriage has taught me there are better ways of asking or getting what you would like from your husband. Prayer, patience, and a gentle quiet spirit on your part will be required.
8. Respect And Forgive Your Husband
Respect your husband’s God given calling to be the leader of your home.
A wife who encourages her husband’s leadership in her life is a protected woman.
2 Becoming One (book)
Forgive his shortcomings.
9. Compliment Him
Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment”
Demonstrate your love for him by praising him and verbally telling him how much you appreciate all he does for you and the family.
10. Give Him His Space
Give him the space and time for him to pursue his hobbies and interests.
11. A Submissive Wife Will Be Intimate With Him
Sex can be a little tricky sometimes, especially for women.
different stages of life affect a married couples sex life. Hormonal and physical changes during pregnancy and nursing, years with young children, and all those nights when you would simply rather go to sleep because you’ve had a long day.
It’s important to understand men and women have very different sexual needs. I encourage you to really look into what a biblical view of sex is if this is an area you are struggling with.
Here are a few good books on the subject I like to revisit every few years. I have not personally read The Act of Marriage but I’ve read great reviews from trusted sources.
Final Thoughts
The benefits of being a submissive wife far outweigh rebelling against the idea of it.
It has become far too easy in today’s world to file for divorce instead of fighting to keep ones marriage alive.
When done within the correct biblical context of mutual love and respect for one another, practicing submission will become a beautiful gift to the God fearing marriage and family unit.
Additional Resources
Trusting God In Times Of Uncertainty
Praying Scripture Over Your Teens
This is a wonderful post, I love the scripture you used and the books you recommended look amazing. It’s always good to know what other believers found useful. Thank you for sharing this!
Such a well written and thorough explanation of submission! Such an important topic especially for the married couple, and this is an excellent way of showing how it glorifies God! My submission to my husband is more importantly my submission to my Lord. I love your list to foster submission. Prayer, communication, and appreciation are what I first think of when I think of submitting to my husband. Thank you so much for this post!